But her love was never requited, nor was her care and affection acknowledged. Nevertheless she could not restrict her own feelings, sometimes she felt why couldn’t she be like her husband and feel nothing, just pass each day without feeling desperate and stupid.
Lopmudra brought her thoughts to the present as she realized the meditation time of rishi was about to be over. She headed inside the hut and started her daily chores. She felt foolish now, recalling about how frightened she was thinking about the household work she would have to do after her marriage. She guessed it’s easy for women to adapt to change.
After completing her chores, she sat down with her pen that she had made herself from bamboo and ink made from the soot which got collected on the pots and pans. This kept her fill the loneliness in her life, and she couldn’t thank her father enough that he provided her education.
In the palace there were always people around her, her parents, maids she had befriended, aunts and uncles, she was never alone. The sudden silence and isolation in her life disturbed her. Though she was too shy and intimidated by her husband she had tried to talk to him, to make some kind of conversation, to know him, to get into his thoughts, but his mere yes or no and a nod of head made her feel unwanted. She eventually stopped trying, she did what was needed of her and then poured her heart in form of words.
Today sitting on a rug with her pen and fallen leaves from the banyan trees on which she wrote, again she was scribbling her thoughts to form beautiful hymns, which no one was to hear around. A thought flickered in her mind, the loss of others had created her, maybe that is why she has lost the love and affection she had to fullfill her destiny. She wrote that down, she wrote about her love for her husband, about the loss of her desires, about the ideal relationship she had expected and never had. Hoping and denying deep down that someday something will change.
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